- Geez, Doc, that’s a bit harsh.
- No, that’s a good thing. You’re not dying. This is a GOOD thing, Laura.
- So, then why do I still have this headache?
- I think it’s probably emotional. Could you be stressed?
Because I am a happy person. A glass-is-half-full person. I follow Pollyanna’s lead and play the “glad game” in every situation. I believe in divine timing and everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be and what won’t kill you only makes you stronger and all that.
I love rainbows and unicorns and puppy dogs, for gawd’s sake.
I know that I’ve had a lot of challenges in my path this year, which has been interesting at times and trying at others. But I have learned a lot about myself and my world.
And I’ve been really proud of myself for keeping it together and staying so positive, so upbeat, so ding-dang-dong optimistic.
I learned all about boundaries, priorities and taking space for myself through conflict in my family of origin.
Constant upheaval in my 9-5 job helped me align my energies to my outside of work activities and passions.
And a health scare gave me time to reflect, to be quiet and be grateful.
But let me tell you the biggest one. It happened just this week in my doctor’s office. Because it took a month-long chronic migraine, five sessions of chiropractic, new glasses and a CT Scan to teach me that de Nile is not just a river in Egypt.
Headaches can be caused by a whole heap of different things. We all know that. But finally, after in my “I’m fine, everything’s OK, happy happy!!!!!” rush of living and powering through, I was forced to soften, put down the Aspirin, and look at where this pain, my pain was really coming from.
How does it get blocked? Well, in my case … from taking my experiences and my feelings about those experiences and layering on some “it’ll pass” and some “please don’t worry, I’m fine” … and don’t forget a really REALLY generous dollop of “I’m exactly as strong as everyone expects me to be”.
So, my prescription. It’s simple.
I’m calling BULLSHIT. I’m calling bullshit on the idea that unicorn lovers don’t have shitty days. I’m calling bullshit on I’m a strong woman meaning that I have no emotions.
I’m calling myself out for not speaking my truth, for hiding it in jokes and self-deprecation and witticisms.
Before my head actually explodes, there are some truths I gotta get out.
Divorce may be an opportunity to grow, something that was always meant to happen, or even a lucky escape. But it’s also fucking gut-wrenchingly heartbreakingly agonisingly lonely at least a couple times a month.
And pre-cancer surgery, or (as my doctor likes to call it “not-yet cancer, but probably-soon cancer surgery”) is definitely better than a lot of other kinds. But that doesn’t make it “a good excuse for some time off work” or a walk in the park. It was still really, really scary. And painful. And bloody scary!
And a brain tumour on top of a divorce and cervical surgery wouldn’t be “the trifecta” or “a cost effective use of the hospital excess payment”. It would, actually, be the pickle on the top of a shit sandwich (if you are someone who doesn’t like pickles, which I am).
But if we’re not honest, especially with ourselves, then what’s the point? There is enough gloss and Photoshop around, let’s get real – with ourselves and with each other.
Here is my truth: 2014 has been eye-opening and a time of mammoth personal growth for me. And if I was given the chance to do it all over … I’d say “bugger that” and have a nap instead.
I hope it doesn’t take a chronic headache for you to face your truth – even just in the mirror.
With love, support, and an invitation to share your truth,
It is coming up to the end of the year, and normally we start planning for next year in a month or so.
But how busy is New Years and Christmas? Do you ever really have the time to plan out your year in January?
Or is it more like February when you get to it? And then you've missed some of the year!
The beauty of My Life Planner and Workbook is that you can start NOW! That means before you enter the Silly Season you can get your plans all worked out - and hit 2015 running!