The first time I noticed this phenomenon was when a friend called in tears because of something her housemate had done. She was super upset, and what he had done was super stupid.
Thing is, he hadn't done it to her. But oh boy was she acting like he had. She was taking it soooo personally ... and that was what was upsetting her so much.
I couldn't understand her. She was being so irrational - I felt like she was angry about something that hadn't actually happened.
It seemed as foolish as taking it as a personal attack when it rains on your birthday. Crazy.
But then I did the exact same thing. Erm ... lightbulb.
By 5.30pm I was getting angry, but it wasn't until 6.30pm that I actually left. My friend stayed to party with some other people, so I drove home alone.
I have been sick. I needed to rest. I had a deadline and an early morning - how could she do this to me?
Now I had to wait up for her, take care of her dog, probably take care of her if she drank too much - how could she do this to me?
I did what can only be described by a great Aussie saying: I cracked the shits. Bad.
I told her that if she was going to be late then she couldn't stay at my house. That she had to pick up her dog by a certain time. Some other petty crap that was me being all superior and righteous and trying to make her feel bad for what she had done to me. I mean seriously - how could she?
Do you know what her response to my spiteful, ridiculous, petty and manipulative message was?
"No worries :)"
NO WORRIES SMILEY FACE !!!!!!
Oh man, that little yellow emoji totally snapped me out of my resentment spiral.
Fact is, my friend was being irresponsible. She wasn't doing what she had planned to do. She was being self-indulgent, making a scene, getting drunk, smoking even though she "quit" - she was doing quite a few things that weren't great.
But she wasn't doing one single thing of them TO ME.
I wanted to leave - I left. And when I was very specific about what I needed, I got it.
So next time, I'm going to go straight to that. Straight to asking for what I need. And straight to just getting what I need - there was actually no one stopping me from going home at 5pm.
Now I'm not saying you do this. But if you do ever catch yourself having a little but of HCUDTTM-itis, I'd recommend taking a moment to ask yourself "did they really?". Because it's possible that what really happened was more that "they" did something, and you didn't like it, and you got upset.
That's being upset because of your feelings about the something that the someone did. That's actually all you, sweet thing.
Which is totally ok, and an understandable and valid reaction (sometimes). But it's not "their" problem, "they" don't have to fix it.
The coolest thing about this realisation is that it means you can fix it. Laying blame (which is what I was doing - I was annoyed and made it my friend's fault. Actually, it was my fault, I could have just gone home earlier) is passive and leaves us waiting around for someone else to fix us.
But once we identify that we are the cause of our own suffering - OMG talk about taking back your power.
I encourage you to at least give it a shot next time. At least work through identifying if someone really has done something to you ... or if they've just done something, and you don't like it.
Remember - you can only control your thoughts and actions - so why not do the work there, rather than wasting all that energy assuming things about other people's thoughts and judging their actions?
Side note - in case that got a little preachy ...
I'm not a perfect human. I'm nowhere close and I will continue to slip up. I include this next part to reassure you we are all still on this road to being the people we want to be:
I didn't get the early night I wanted. Because my friend's dog is an annoying little shit who not at all trained and Suki was also being an ALS so there were doggy fights happening on the bed. So when my friend showed up in the morning horrendously hung-over and feeling like absolute arse ... I felt really good. >_<