On that day, I was feeling pretty low. My heart hurt, and I was ready to throw myself a fairly epic pity party.
I grabbed my affirmation cards and prepared to sink into some deep reflections about how to support the pain I was feeling.
The card I drew said this:
Ask: In five years, will this really matter?
But that wasn’t actually my first thought. It certainly came roaring in at a very close second, and tried pretty hard to crowd out my first thought! However the truth is that as soon as I read that card I had one very quick and clear thought:
“Fucking hell I hope not”.
If that meant that I had to make it “not matter”, then so be it.
What I was really talking about (to myself) was letting go.
Specifically, letting go of the thoughts around the coulda, shoulda, would been.
Byron Katie teaches us that we only suffer when we argue against the reality of what is. When we cling to our coulda, woulda, shoulda thoughts about reality rather than just accepting what is:
Those things just were. That was the reality. When I stepped out of judgement (i.e. “it’s never going to happen and that is awful. My heart hurts and it’s the absolute worst” #dramaqueen) and just noted them as facts, I felt better.
With that in mind, I went for my oils to support me. When I first sat down to do this, I was expecting to reach for Peace, Console, and any other oils that would support my story of throwing a pity party.
Instead, I started looking up words like “release” and “letting go” in my go-to book, Emotions and Essential Oils.
Spikenard: The Oil of Gratitude - Helps with negative emotions of ingratitude, resistance, victim mentality, greed, selfishness and expectation of bad luck while supporting positive properties of gratitude, acceptance, contentment.
Patchouli: The Oil of Physicality - While using Patchouli, individuals feel more fluid and grounded
Oh, yeah, this kind of core belief work tends to require you smell like a FO REALS hippy ;)
Where are you causing yourself pain by fighting with what (you think) should be? And how does the idea of that feeling still being just as strong in five years sit with you?
If the answer is anything like mine, you are lovingly invited to try loosening some of that judgement and move towards releasing your grip on the coulda, woulda, shoulda, instead spending some time sitting with the “is”.
I also highly recommend reading Byron Katie’s books, and if you feel called, getting your hippy on with some essential oils. You can join my oily conversation over on Facebook if you'd like to know more!
Love and light,
1. Peace, Console and all other emotional support blends absolutely have time and place, and I use them both on the reg. Peace is my boo when it comes to managing anxiety, and Console has lifted me out of some dark places. Just in this instance, when I was Pity Party Table for One, reaching for them was more about melodrama and wallowing than anything helpful.
2. Yup, there is most likely another version of this where I don’t even have the “and that makes my heart hurt” part, because I am so enlightened and in flow with reality that there is no suffering. But, hey, I’m a work-in-progress and I’ll never let perfectionism get in the way of sharing my truth.
3. To keep things short and snappy, I didn’t go into it too much, but my pity party was ready to be a fairly intense affair with a spiral into a bottomless pit of “it’s never going to happen and that makes my heart sore and which is pathetic and therefore I’m worthless no wonder this isn’t going to happen and nothing else good will ever happen either because I’m worthless and pathetic …..” etc etc etc. I share this only so that you know, should you ever be on a similar spiral, that it’s never too late to pull up and work your way out.